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Damn those youtube blogger girls.  And the actual bloggers.  These people are costing me some serious moolah, but it's also my fault in the sense that I freaking love all these lotions and potions, and wouldn't stop purchasing them even if I could.  I bought all the stuff mentioned in my last post, because I am weird, and I am depraved, and yet I must smell nice.  Here's the stuff I've ordered on Ebay/bought from the pharmacy in the past week or so ... and all the shit I so desperately don't need, but will order from Ebay come pay day.

*Things from last time that have since arrived - the Orofluido (haven't used it yet, the shine spray smells a bit alcoholic but the rest is a lovely vanilla amber scent), the Carol's Daughter Black Vanilla Hair Smoothie (love the smell, undecided on the results), the Laura Mercier Creme Brulee Body Souffle (love it, not sure if it's a must-have though - a bit too pricey to repurchase), the Pholosophy Shower Gels (all smell yummy except the Hot Cocoa one which sadly never arrived ... eff you, Amazon), and the Soap & Glory (love Clean Girls, Glad Hair Day shampoo and thick conditioner, Flake Away, The Righteous Butter, Peaches & Clean, and Clean Mary, haven't tried Whipped Clean yet).  Oh, I also got the Honeymania stuff from the Body Shop, the Honey & Shea line which is a blatant rip off of it courtesy of L'Occitane, and a hell-tonne of seasonal Lush, all of which is either confirmed to be amazing, or untried as of yet but most likely to be amazing.  OH, and some extra Victoria's Secret - I bought Pure Seduction lotion because I love the scent of the scrub, then on the way home at the airport I picked up Strawberries & Champagne lotion because I'd bought it for the other bestie, and it smelled divine, so I needed some for my little self.  And, hell, while I'm still going, I found the Benefit body/bath/massage oil, Soft To Touch, Hard To Get, right as I'd convinced myself I didn't need it after all - as it turns out, I was wrong, I needed it quite urgently, and so I met that need.

*More Soap & Glory - I ordered the peach lip balm (forgotten it's actual name), the Wish Upon A Jar serum/treatment stuff (cool jar, it's meant to smell like chocolate orange, and I needed a night cream/treatment/something with some anti-aging properties because I'm an old Patch now!), and some more Righteous Butter, because my little tub won't cut it for much longer, and the larger one has a cute picture on it.  Should all arrive next week.

*A metric fuck-tonne of nail polish.  No, seriously.  I'm putting myself on a ban unless/until Glitterdaze gets an Australian distributor.  Not sure how long that will last, but I now have SO DAMN MUCH and I haven't even tried half of it.  Must.  Stop.

*Original Source Mint Chocolate shower gel.  The site tantalisingly tells me it's available at Aussie retailers.  A quick phone call to Coles and Woolies revealed that this is not the case.  Was unable to not own this, and so to Ebay UK I went.  Awaiting eagerly.

*A Clarisonic Mia 2.  Oh god.  I am a cliche.  But it's yellow, I wanted it, and I'm fairly sure it's not a fake one (and I know how to tell if it is, so I'll be returning it pronto if they've scammed me).  Had to have, ladies and gentlemen, had to have.

*Keihls Magic Elixir, as if I need more hair oil things.  Read a review by a fellow Aussie girl who loved it, found myself craving it, it's on my watch list.  Yeah, we all know I'll be buying it.

*Payot Pate Grise zit zapping stuff.  Actual practical thing, and am therefore convincing myself heartily that I may have it.  I hate those painful blind pimples, so I'm keen to try this.

*Murad Clarifying Mask.  Never heard of it until yesterday when I saw some girl use it in her "Nightly Routine" youtube video (these are my new obsession - why can't I stop?  WHY?!?).  Want it.

*Bioderma.  Just a little one to see what all the fuss is about.  It's about time I jumped on board.

*Some Clinique Chubby Sticks - Caramel, Mimosa, and Melon, ie, the wuss shades.  I like the idea of colouring my face with a crayon, because I'm a kindergartener, not a sophisiticated woman who takes makeup seriously.  I also like the idea of things that are more of a balm or stain than real, adult lipstick, because I'm scared I'll look like said kindergartener playing dress up if I wear bold shades.

*Some Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stains - Precious, Charm and Honey, for the above wimpy/childish reasons.

*A Maybelline Babylips Lip Balm, because I absolutely do not need more lip balm, except for the part where I totally do - I got the Mango Pie one, which smells nice :)

*Some Urban Rituelle lip balms, which I also bought for my besties.  I love the scents because I'm an Aussie beach girl at heart, and cannot resist things called Frangipani or Mango Milk, especially when they come in hippie-ish tubes.

*Not really a "product" product, but some awesome herbal insect repellant recommended to me by a bestie.  Smells nicer than Aeroguard any day.

*Some Raspberry Lemonade Blistex, because one of my besties was wearing it on our recent road trip, and the scent of it would fill the car.  I've now associated that scent with our lovely holiday, and so I had to have.

*A Revlon Lip Butter, because it's a lipstick but not really - Berry Smoothie is less of a wuss shade than I'd usually go for, but a youtube girl was wearing it and it seemed very subtle, so I decided to be a big brave Patch.

*Some new shamps and condis - I have no room and no need for any more, but when I have the space, some Alchemy, Grown Alchemist, and Aubrey Organics in honeysuckle & rose wouldn't hurt.  Thanks for stomping on my wallet, blogger girls.

*Some cloth masks - not really the youtubers' fault, as I've been intrigued by these since that evil Zoe Foster decided to write a book that made me give a fuck about makeup again. I've just picked up some Skinvitals ones because they were cheapy, and I want to try some to see if they suck before I shell out a boatload of coin on the exxy ones.

*Some make-up wipes - I don't use these to take makeup off because a) I rarely wear any and b) they don't work well enough so I don't trust them to take all the coloured stuff off my skin.  I only use cleansing oil/butter for that.  These are usually reserved for freshening up in the car if it's a hot day or if I get grimy, or for when I'm flying.  Have just used up my last lot (empties will be listed at the end), so I've decided to try Witch because a) it's Halloween and that's a cool name, and b) witchhazel is supposed to do actual good things for one's skin.  Also - cheapy.

*Some Batiste dry shampoo in tropical - to see what all the fuss is about.  So far I like the scent, and it's cheaper and more effective than the Lush one which makes my hair a boofy/frizzy mess.  Also I can pick it up at Woolies instead of trekking to the city.  I'll use the last of my Lush one (I actually have heaps left, and am contemplating using it as a body powder, deodorant, or even a vaccuum/carpet deodoriser), but then no moresies.

*Some Sally Hansen nail sticker thingies, because they look like love letter writing, and they're cute.

*A two-pack of Turbie Twist Hair Towels!  I'd vaguely heard of them before and thought they seemed interesting, then a blogger girl raved about them, and they looked retro enough to complement my Soap & Glory fifties kitch vibe I'm into right now, so I hightailed it to Big W in an out of the way suburb today where they actually had some of the bastards left.  And in the white/pale pink duo pack, no less, which happens to be the exact one I wanted.  Looking forward to testing!

*Luxe Shea Caramel shower gel - supermarket junk?  Yes, probably.  But also recommended by Winterrose84 (who I now know is called Renee), and it does indeed smell luscious.

*Speaking of luscious, cheap bodywash, I also got Original Source Vanilla Milk and Raspberry, which has me wanting to drink it because it smells like a milkshake, and Strawberry Smoother from some other embarrassingly cheap brand I can't remember, which has me wanting to drink IT, because it smells like a milkshake.

* And speaking of berry things, I got an ELF strawberry creme lip balm on Ebay, because don't most girls own at least one strawberry lip balm at some point during their lives?

*Some candles.  A peachy one in a crystal topped box should arrive from Sohum this week.  I bought a new Glasshouse La Maison no.2  which is divine, and the Christmas miniatures, which will be lovely to burn come December.  I have serious wantses for another few La Maisons, in particular no.5, but I also have the craves for 1, 3, and 4.  I don't need 6, because it's nice, but nothing special.  No. 2, however, is unimaginably gorgeous, it's an enchanted forest and I have intense loves.

*Not in the scented-things category, but I'm still insanely excited to receive it - the new Allie Brosh book, based on the Hyperbole & A Half blog!  OMG, OMG, OMG.  I may actually squeal when it gets here.

EMPTIES BECAUSE PATCH DOES USE STUFF AS WELL AS JUST BUYING STUFF:

*Some make-up wipes - Simple in the mango scent.  I used these when I travelled recently, and there's one still left in the car.  Nice amount of liquid, worked reasonably well, smelled okay (much better than the dreadful Say Yes To Blueberries ones ... urgh.  Never again).  No reason to rush out and repurchase, but nothing wrong with these.

*A teeny sample of Dior facial serum.  Seemed nice enough, but there's no reason to splash out on Dior prices when there's Lush Full Of Grace or some rosehip oil from the drugstore which works even better, makes my face softer, and smells prettier to boot :)

*Some vaguely floral-scented body lotion I pinched from a Thai hotel room.  Whatevs.

*Almost empty/will be in a week or so, therefore I'm not really cheating:  a travel size shower gel from Bath & Body Works in the Carried Away Scent - I really like this, but because I also have a big bottle of it, I've been taking the mini on every boring work/family trip over the last few months, so I'm kind of over it - the scent is sort of entrenched in my brain now as the "hey Patch, you're not in your cosy, comfy little house right now, you're somewhere else" scent, so as much as I like it's fruity freshness, I'm looking forward to going home and using my fun new luxury things.

Good lord.  That's ridiculous.  Especially when you consider that I've also found a health-food site that specialises in raw, organic chocolate and I want a max-sized order from same.  And I want a bullet-juicer thing.  And some GHD-ish straightener/curler type devices.  And some schwag from the Soidog foundation.  I have to stop shopping.  I NEVER WILL.

And just a sidenote:  Yeah, I now love "my nightly routine"/"my skincare routine"/"my shower routine" videos as well.  I simply cannot understand this.  

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House Of Omniscience

Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion that has the appearance of truth. I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion.

Tennessee Williams
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